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Missed miscarriage all alone

Missed miscarriage all alone

My mothers response “don’t get yourself upset”……. I’ll never ever forget those words!!

On January 15 2022 I was about to leave for work when I realised my period was a few days late, thinking nothing of it I decided to do a pregnancy test it was postive! I was shocked, scared and excited all in one… baby number 4! I told my partner and our 14 year old daughter immediately before heading off to work, it took us a few weeks to adjust to the idea but by the time we walked into our 6 week dating scan we were excited and ready to take on the challenge of baby number 4. 

Baby was measuring right on the EDD with a strong healthy heartbeat.. being the 4 pregnancy with no problems in the past I was confident everything would be ok, we announced our pregnancy to everyone, friends, family, work and our two youngest children who were very excited that jimmy had a baby growing in her tummy. We took a sneak peek fender blood test and found out we were having a baby boy! 

On march 6th at 11am in my 12th week of pregnancy and I went to the bathroom and discovered I was bleeding, just small smears but I rang my partner crying.. by the time I had hung up I had strong cramping and I knew something was very wrong. Despite knowing that something wasn’t right I had no idea what to do. The emergency room seemed to dramatic I was bleeding lightly… google suggested everything could be ok and to go to the ED for heavy bleeding I was scared and confused. We presented to Ed and waited over an hour while I sat crying and bleeding in a very crowded waiting room with 30 people in front of me holding a ticket waiting to be triaged. My partner rang 3 other emergency rooms, a private hospital and urgent care and they all refused to see me, he eventually found a private ultrasound technician that would do an ultrasound if we could get a referral from the doctor. 

The soonest doctors appointment I could get was 3 days away, after begging and pleading with the medical reception my partner got me a referral and we attended the private ultrasound. As soon as I saw the baby on the screen I noticed it wasn’t moving the sonographwr was silent I said “it’s not moving is it” and she responded “I am so sorry” She told me the baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks (4 weeks prior) I could see on the screen that it definitely did not look as it was suppose to at 12 weeks and there was no heart beat. The doctor came in and confirmed and we left with a referral to the early pregnancy centre and we’re told they would call me. As soon as we left I broke down in tears, we drove home and had to break the news to family, my 14 year old daughter was absolutely devastated… my mothers response “don’t get yourself upset”……. I’ll never ever forget those words!! I was home bleeding, cramping terrified of what was going to happen and extremely confused with children that needed comforting. 

The next evening the early pregnancy centre rang me to discuss my options, I opted for a d and c as I was afraid to pass the pregnancy tissue at home alone. I was booked in for the Thursday morning. On the Wednesday morning at 2am I woke with contractions…. Serve contractions 2 minutes apart by 5an I was bleeding heavily and passing large clots in significant pain I laid on the bathroom floor in and out of the shower for pain management. The early pregnancy centre rang me at 10am to confirm my appointment the following day but when the nurse heard the state I was in and the contractions she told me it would be to late and that it sounded like “my body was doing what it needed to do” and they would call tomorrow… I went back to bleeding on the bathroom floor scared and confused. After 8 hours of contractions 2 minutes apart I feel asleep complete exhausted when I woke up the bleeding and contractions had stopped. The early pregnancy centre rang me the next day and said they were convinced it was over and I did not need to come in, that I should get a blood test that day and then again a week later. 

On Saturday morning I woke up with excruciating back pain and heavy bleeding scared that it should not be happening as “it was all over” I presented to ED I had no idea who to contact for support, or ask questions I was again alone confused and terrified by my heavy bleeding the early pregnancy centre was closed as it was the weekend. So I bundled up to ED and sat crying and bleeding for 7 hours in a waiting room with 3 newborn babies, after 5 hours a doctor attempted an internal examination but there was too much blood an hour, she told me to go back to the waiting room, make sure I eat something and I’d have an ultrasound soon…. I was too afraid to walk around because of the heavy bleeding, too afraid to eat and too afraid to go to the bathroom, I sat and waited. 

I had the ultrasound and the technician said it was 8th ultrasound she had attended for a missed miscarriage just that day! She confirmed that the pregnancy tissue had not passed and was in the head of my cervix ready to pass at any moment she said my uterus was full of blood and i wasn’t even half way through the “process” at that stage. I then waited another hour and saw a obstetrician who again gave me 3 options I again opted for the d and c and she attempted to admit me to hospital stating the surgery would be performed on Tuesday.  The emergency list was full, I would have to spend 3 nights in the ward with mothers and newborn babies! I refused to stay and said I wanted to go home but would come back Tuesday, she agreed and I left, scared bleeding and terrified to pass my baby alone. I spent the next two days at home afraid to go to the bathroom and returned to hospital on the Tuesday morning. I attended the d and c surgery and immediately felt relieved it was all finally over. I was not given any information or support resources. I seemingly bled out alone at home waiting for my procedure. I would not wish my experience on anyone!!!

- Erin