Your miscarriage, your loss, your feelings are all valid. You should never have to suffer alone.
I went through an ectopic pregnancy last year. Ectopic pregnancies are classified as miscarriages but I feel like is even less spoken about or understood by anyone. Not only are you losing a child, you're health is also put at risk.
I was told numerous times that it was just a miscarriage and it will pass. At that point, I thought wow, is this all the help you get for 'just a miscarriage'?? It was a shockingly painful and bloody few weeks. My HCG numbers rose after what seemed like a physical miscarriage. My GP rang and congratulated me that my HCG had rose and I was actually pregnant. I was shocked as I had been through an immense amount of pain with plenty of blood to show and days after this is truly what my GP said. I didn't understand. Shortly after my GP congratulated me, I went and got a scan and found out that it was actually ectopic. My whole world unravelled and did for many many months after. It was a shocking experience. I only had one friend out of my friends and family was able to support me. Everyone else was like oh wasn't meant to be etc. I clearly understood that it wasn't meant to be, my body had the obvious signs. It wasn't a helpful comment. Most people went quiet and weird when they were told. It was lonely.
After the scan I went to the hospital where they would monitor me and decide what I needed. I met another girl in my room and she was experiencing her 12th miscarriage. There's something about being put in a room with no-one else, but with someone who gets it. I asked her if I could keep the curtain open so I didn't feel lonely overnight. She had no problem with that. Every time I woke for a new test or observation I saw her and instantly felt less alone. She shared her stories and I shared mine.. She waited for my results before she left the hospital and gave me a bouquet of chocolates. I was lucky to have met someone like this.
It was confirmed again it was ectopic by the hospital and treatment options were given. They gave me MTX (injection) and when they left the room I just howled and howled. My baby was gone. It was over. Most people would think, it is over. It wasn't over for months and months and months... Physically I bled for a long time but mentally I was struggling. I didn't understand what was going on, but I had so many triggers that sent me spiralling. Whenever I got my period, I would panic at the sight of blood. It's hard to explain, but it just felt very overwhelming. Also, knowing I was bleeding out internally during the ectopic (my stomach was filling up with blood) was also a very hard thing for me to process and trust my body again.
7 months later, I sought professional help from a psychologist. It was the one thing I can recommend anyone. You, your issues, all of it - are worth it. Are worth getting help for. I still struggle with some things, but overall life has gotten a lot easier and happier because I got professional help. Your miscarriage, your loss, your feelings are all valid. You should never have to suffer alone.