Dialog Box

The Pink Elephants Support Network

Marking the Loss

Commemorating your baby can be comforting, respectful and healing.

Miscarriage and early pregnancy loss is mostly a symbolic, intangible loss and we often experience ‘disenfranchised’ grief - meaning society seldom recognises or acknowledges this type of loss as real. This makes it hard to talk about and not often validated by others. By marking the loss, you hold space for your grief and validate that they existed, they are loved and they are missed.

It is never too late to mark the loss of a baby or babies.

The symbolism and depth of meaning is up to each and every family, but we have some suggestions that lots of grieving families have drawn solace from:

  • Name your baby or babies, even if you didn’t know their gender.
  • Join our virtual garden of Jizo statues and name your own Jizo statue in memory of your baby
  • Choose a significant candle that you light on specials occasions, anniversaries, significant dates or at any chosen time, eg. on 15th October for International Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day Wave of Light at 7pm.
  • Create a special area with a meaningful object - candle, shell, plant, flower, ornament - that you can keep meaningful space for.
  • Plant a significant flower, tree or flora. * Just remember this may be triggering if you forget to nurture it, and a moveable one is advised for renters.
  • Purchase bereavement jewellery. You can inscribe names/initials, get a locket to keep something significant to that time eg. ultrasound pic, figurine or ashes.
  • Write a letter or poem to your baby with all your hopes and dreams for them. Keep it forever, rip it up and scatter it, it’s completely your choice.
  • Make a memory or shadow box with special items - pregnancy test, ultrasound pic or any baby items you already bought for them.
  • Find a photograph of the sunrise the day you lost your baby:
    www.everysunrise.com.au
  • Name a star after your baby.
  • Hold a fundraiser in honour of your baby
  • Donate to a charity in honour of your baby
  • Get a meaningful tattoo - but it is advised to wait 6 months after loss until immense grief has subsided.
  • Recognition of Early Pregnancy Loss Certificate:

    If you lost your baby within NSW, QLD, WA, SA or TAS, you can apply for a beautiful certificate from the Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages.

    Although it is NOT a legal document, it memorialises a loss before 20 weeks, or if the weeks are unknown a loss that weighed under 400 grams. * You will need a doctor/GP to sign the form.

    Apologies to those in VIC, ACT and NT - we acknowledge the unfairness of different legislation and are advocating for these states to include such a certificate. We will update this page when it is changed and you will still be able to get a certificate no matter how long ago you lost your baby or babies.

Resources

The experience of early pregnancy loss can leave you feeling grief stricken and empty. Remembering your baby in a symbolic way can be incredibly healing and is a way of keeping the memory of your baby alive.

Download our Marking the Loss brochure here.


Jizo Statues

Our virtual garden of Jizo statues is a symbolic way to mark the loss of your baby or babies. We understand it can be difficult to mark the loss of an ‘unseen’ baby or a mid-term pregnancy loss and in this way, we hope to provide a permanent memorial of our babies lost to pregnancy loss.

The Japanese art of grieving a miscarriage is through Jizo Statues that are gifted to a woman who experiences a miscarriage. These small figurines are dressed in red caps and bibs and placed in gardens to honour the souls of babies who were never born.

Available soon ... For a nominal donation, you can purchase your own virtual Jizo statue to sit in our memorial garden. You can select a colour of choice, name your baby and choose a date to commemorate him or her. For example ‘Baby Payne, forever in our hearts, 08.07.20’.

Your Jizo baby will remain in our virtual garden forever, with the most recent 24 visible on this page.

Donate