Why We Share

Why we share - Sam Payne, CEO and Co-Founder of Pink Elephants, explains the importance of openly sharing our stories and our grief.

I do not share my losses and grief for attention, sympathy or to be criticised. I share now to change the future. I share because I want to plant the seed for the tree whose shade I will never sit under. If my daughter goes on to suffer a miscarriage or my son, I quite simply don’t want them to suffer the way I did.

I imagine a future where women & their partners lose their babies to miscarriage and are validated in their grief, have access to bereavement leave to grieve, are given a clear referral for support along with information on what to expect, are offered choices to mark their loss, that their loved ones know how to support them, and that their babies are remembered & talked about. That miscarriage is not a shameful word, no longer a taboo to share. A world where we offer additional support & empathy to those brave enough to try again, those who are quite literally putting their heart on the line again without knowing the outcome, to walk the anxiety-riddled journey of pregnancy after loss.

The silence when no one responds to our losses is deafening. What is more dangerous are the comments telling us to grieve privately. They are outdated and perpetuate the shame and stigma that surround miscarriage. As is often stated, it is a personal experience, therefore it’s a personal choice to share or not; I fully support those that don’t share and I fully support those that do share. We should be met with empathy & understanding if our choice is to be open about our difficult experiences. As Brene Brown says: