Dialog Box

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I never thought it would happen to me

I never thought it would happen to me

This was the worst 24 hour wait of our lives. Not knowing what was happening, and whether the baby was still alive or not. Hoping for the best, but expecting the worst. 

My husband and I got married at the start of the year, after having to postpone the wedding by 6 months from the previous year due to Covid. This also pushed back our timeline of when we were going to start trying for a baby, as we had always wanted to get married first, then do the baby thing. I often now wonder 'what if' things had been different if we had just started trying when we had originally planned, instead of waiting until after the wedding. Would things be different? Or would I still have been in this same situation? 

We were lucky enough to fall pregnant straight away when we were on our honeymoon. I found out the day of my missed period. I had convinced myself that I wasn't pregnant and that I was about to get my period, so when I saw those two lines appear on the pregnancy test, I started crying and shaking straight away. I had previously made this big plan of how I would tell my husband when the time came, but in the moment I was just way too shocked (in a good way) and happy that I ran out to him to show him the pregnancy test. 

The day after I found out, the tiredness and sore breasts also kicked in, but I was 'lucky' enough to not have any nausea/vomiting throughout the time. I went and saw the Dr a few days later and got the referral to get the blood tests to confirm everything. The results came back and confirmed everything and the Dr said they seemed fine, the only thing was my hormone levels were measuring about a week behind, which I didn't think was unusual, as I also tend to ovulate slightly later than 'normal'. The Dr then referred me to get my dating scan. I went to the dating scan when I would have been about 8 and a half weeks based on the new timeline they had given me based on the blood test results.

 My husband was not able to be at the appointment due to Covid. I had a student sonographer, and he was asking a lot of questions about my due date, when my last period started and whether I had experienced any bleeding or cramps. I confidently answered them all, assuming they were routine questions and everything he was doing was normal. We ended up having to do an internal scan, which again I assumed was normal. He wasn't telling me much during the scan, and he asked me to hold my breath at least 5 times, which I assumed was when he was trying to hear the heartbeat. At the end of the scan he told me it seemed to be measuring fine and that he hadn't heard the heartbeat but could see something moving, so assumed that was the heartbeat, so of course I took his word for it and left the scan feeling happy and excited. 

The Dr then confirmed that everything seemed ok, but that I was measuring a further 2 weeks behind what we had thought, which he said was normal. Fast forward two and a half weeks later to when I was 8 and a half weeks (according to the new dates given after the scan), I had some very light bleeding. I didn't panic too much at first, as I knew a couple of people that had this and everything had been ok. I went and saw my Dr and he also advised nothing to worry about yet as was only light bleeding and no cramping yet. The bleeding slowly got heavier throughout the day and the next morning. 

The following morning I was in the shower and a small clot came out. I knew straight away something was wrong, so we went to the hospital. They took some blood tests and advised they couldn't get me in for a scan until the following morning. This was the worst 24 hour wait of our lives. Not knowing what was happening, and whether the baby was still alive or not. Hoping for the best, but expecting the worst. 

They did the scan as soon as we arrived at the appointment, and sure enough, after having both an external and internal scan, we heard the dreaded words - "We can't find a heartbeat"... My husband held me as I sobbed on the bed in the scan room. We were given the tablets to speed up the process, and two days later, there was no more baby. I bled for a about 5 days and then spotted for about a week. It was by far the hardest thing we have ever been through, and something we never thought would happen to us. I had been so happy and confident throughout the pregnancy up until the day I started bleeding, so it's hard knowing that I will probably be riddled with fear and anxiety the next time we get pregnant, as I will now be so scared that it will happen again.

- Sam