This October will mark a year for me since I had a miscarriage and had to get a D&E procedure done. I was about 9 weeks when I went for my first ultrasound expecting and anticipating to see a heartbeat. It was then that I was faced with an empty sac.
Words can never explain the emptiness I felt knowing that there was nothing inside of me. I couldn’t grasp the idea that my pregnancy was terminated and it was completely out of my control. Whether I had known it or not I just entered into the grief cycle. There was something lost and taken from me that day. I felt as if I lost a piece of me and to be honest I have never felt the same since.
Til this day, facing my miscarriage is still an issue I have. Although, I did not have the best support system behind me and this was not planned it was still something I was ready to face head on. Part of me thinks that I rushed getting back into my “normal” life afterwards to try and hide the pain and forget that it happened. But truth be told, it did happen and I had to embrace it and accept it in order for me to ever find peace with it. It has not hit me until this year that I never really was able to grief or talk about it.
Pregnancy loss is a topic that needs to be discussed. People avoid the topic of miscarriage because it is a touchy subject when in fact we should be doing the opposite. This is a topic that needs to be discussed more among women, teens, and the general population as a whole.
I cannot stress it enough, if you or someone else has gone through a situation similar to this, please talk about it. By talking about it, not only are you ending the stigma associated with pregnancy and infant loss but you are also allowing yourself to heal. The more these topics are discussed, the more women and the families affected by these circumstances will know. Also, please be sensitive about pregnancies and lost when talking to other people, you may never know what they are going through or what they have gone through.
To all those who have suffered from pregnancy and infant loss: My heart goes out to you, as I know and feel your pain daily. It is okay to feel, be upset and even to think about it. The more you face it, the easier it will be to accept it. You may never move on from this and that is okay because it was a traumatic event that will forever be burned into your mind along with all the heartache and hurt. But by sharing your story and talking about it you can help those are you who have or are experiencing the same thing. Always know, you are not alone and this was not your fault. May you always find peace within yourself.